poem in a notebook found under a seat in a trailways bus, january 4, 1974

i'm special i'm not like other people i'm different i can feel it they walk around waiting to die but they don't know it they say they do but they don't really if they did why would they care about nixon or agnew or mick jagger or sonny and cher or hitler or napoleon or jefferson davis as for me i've always known i am going to live forever because life is an illusion and nothing really happens except in the eternal brain and i am the eternal brain me that's right - me i used to go to the library and read all the books when i didn't have money for the movies one day i was sitting at a table in the library reading the doctor by robert southey because it was the biggest ugliest book with the smallest print in the whole library it was raining outside it wouldn't stop i was in the mood for a little panhandling but somehow i couldn't get up i just sat there i needed the money it was time rain didn't bother me wind either so why didn't i get up? suddenly a great light flashed (it's always a great light, isn't it?) nobody else saw it because they were just people just folks but i was the eternal brain i had another book on the table my favorite astrology book, astrology and you by sydney omarr and in the sudden flash of light i realized i wasn't really a leo i was the whole zodiac i was the universe everything happens in my brain where else would it happen? joshua and the battle of jericho christopher columbus and robert e lee davy crockett and the alamo and wilbur and orville wright and al capone they all never happened except in my brain - the universal brain i'll get up and go back out in the rain i'll keep on walking and everybody else will die off one by one and then whole cities i'll walk though the old and new deserts until there is nobody left but me and i won't have my hand out i'll have it raised to the sky it's always a great light, isn't it?

questionnaire

you are stranded on a desert island - forever. you have limitless supplies of oranges, bananas, peanuts, pistachios and water. you can also choose one of the following items: a) an endless supply of romance novels b) an endless supply of porn c) an endless supply of science fiction d) an endless supply of tolkien type fantasy novels d) an endless supply of comic books and graphic novels e) an endless supply of vampire novels f) an endless supply of serial killer novels g) an endless supply of travel brochures and guide books h) an endless supply of cook books (just to read, you won't have anything to cook with) i) an endless supply of restaurant reviews j) an endless supply of books about rich people k) an endless supply of books about famous people l) an endless supply of blank paper and colored crayons or markers m) an endless supply of blank paper and endless supply of pencils (or a typewriter) n) the bible and all other sacred texts ever written o) all the biblical commentaries ever written p) all the marxist literature and analyses ever written q) descriptions of every animal and plant that has ever existed r) the complete works of voltaire s) a piano or other musical instrument t) a model train set u) a lego or building block set v) a 100,000 piece solid color jigsaw puzzle w) a telescope capable of viewing the universe x) a kite (unbreakable) y) a mirror and makeup kit z) a basketball and hoop

fear

ivan woke up he was in a strange room he wasn't afraid this was surprising especially to himself because ivan was afraid of everything but in this strange room he felt no fear baba yaga entered the room ivan wasn't afraid "is everything all right?" she asked "yes," ivan answered casually "except that i would like a canary instead of a parrot i do not care for its inane jabbering and would prefer a sweetly warbling canary" she looked him in the eye "that is not possible" "i think it is very possible" ivan stared back boldly "no" ivan blinked he felt all his fears returning like snakes waking up in the sun or ice cubes melting in a glass of lemonade the old woman closed the door and poor ivan collapsed whimpering on the floor as the parrot squawked happily and kept up its chatter all through the afternoon as ivan expired / after a while the witch returned and replaced the parrot with a canary

house of secrets

behind every wall there is a tree in every tree there is a bird every bird has a beak every beak taps at a window behind every window there is a secret sometimes the curtain is drawn and the bird can not see in the window so it returns to the tree and waits finally a hand appears and draws back the curtain and a face appears behind every face there is a secret behind the face another face appears the face of a maid every maid has an announcement besides having a secret the maid says her piece and the curtain is drawn again and the bird sits in the window and waits every house behind every wall has guests and every guest has secrets the guest tired of waiting for the mistress to appear and afraid of inadvertently revealing his secret retires to the lawn the guest stands under the tree behind the wall he is too well bred to look up at the window but he wonders about the secrets of the mistress (and the maid) he lights a cigar and the smoke rises to the branch the bird is sitting on and the bird flies away

26: the cat at the window

how you do expect me to defend the empire with the likes of these? i am afraid you are useless, quite useless to me just because dad is the greatest scientist in the world, people think he is some kind of nut krogold slammed his tankard down on the stout oak table lady marian smiled bravely as the drops of ale splashed her methinks the time has come, said the jester no owls are crying tonight, cromton added outside in the night a wolf howled peering through his bifocals at the report, gnard gasped quickly men, quickly! read this sir, gnard importuned darl krogar silently the master assassin drew the cobra from his tunic too late! understanding counts for very little, cromton assured the king virtuous - aye, our forefathers were virtuous indeed wet your whistle, traveler, and tell your tale x may have marked some spot, gnard added drily, not this one you trifle with me, sir zero. the probability is zero. not one in a trillion, not one in a trillion to the trillionth power. zero as you wish before we declare war on the entire universe, perhaps a brief recapitulation is in order confound the fellow! darl krogar considered his words carefully end this farce now, sire, i beg of you forget you ever knew me get out of town before it's too late, my love

slurkett #6: the barracuda

and so when the barracuda was brought to shore bright sunlight broke the cloud concealing the terrible havoc the horrible creature had wrought despair consumed the community of souls emptiness then ruled forever of the moon they would remember clear and loud greedy rulers hiding in holes hungrily devouring the remnants of the universe with their heads bowed i only wish the full assembly could have done more justice is thrown in the coals kaleidoscopic chaos had had a big audience before lords of darkness are never quite fooled malevolent monasteries are mercifully never endowed nevertheless in despair to have bought odes now retooled pervading the ether for desperate acolytes to score

the butler

we have walked this way before said the butler to the geek i bought that tennis ball for madam only last week and he pointed to the window containing toys and games and the store began to tremble and burst into orange flames the firemen came running with their ladders and their hoses and the toys flew up to heaven and fell down again as roses you are quite the droll magician the geek noted with a smile your effects are not unlucky but are somewhat wanting style the butler only nodded at this compromising praise but his soul was filled with thunder and exploding gamma rays how dare this little upstart from a country who knew where presume to judge his genius how dare - how dare - how dare they passed a fish and chip shop at the corner of the square the butler bid his guest adieu with a smile most debonair oh by the way he asked the geek with a curling of the lip i forgot to ask if you prefer to be a fish or be a chip the choice is up to you my friend the geek replied unfazed and the two magicians dueled as the stars looked down amazed the butler turned into a chip and fell into the gutter but then assumed a red moth's form and rose up with a flutter the geek was soon downgraded to the state of half a prawn but retained a cool composure and the battle lines were drawn dawn found the two combatants with all their powers spent the butler dusted off his hat and took the train to kent the geek looked up into the sky as if some sound he'd heard he consulted his timetable and left without a word the banker on his way to work the constable on his beat had no notion of the conflict for they had been discreet

slurkett #5: the astronaut

so you want to be an astronaut young fellow the president did chime unless i am much mistaken you are the first in a very long time versions of the moon will soon be made public when we are no more expectations will not be worth a thin silver dime yet the world will believe a trick zeroing in on the innocent as if examining a horrid crime all the senators and pensioners will bellow before the fog gets too thick conversely, the house of commons in despair will surely mellow desperate to never see the shore events will overtake this most sadly infelicitious rhyme forever the path of a ragged mime gods but of yore had a big purple target but their arrows turned out yellow

better than one

i always craved anonymity but since i had two heads it eluded me when i walk into the drugstore to buy a candy bar josie says to her mom look mom, that man has two heads barack obama was running for president and he shook my hand and said i like your heads but when sarah palin shook my hand she just smiled i liked sarah palin better! i went walking in the wilderness and met gilgamesh i wanted to be his pal but he said, sorry bud, those monsters will see you coming a mile away i just can't take the chance i kept wandering and met iskander and his famous horse "doublehead" i tried to strike up a conversation on this basis but quickly saw i was boring them as they galloped away i called after them "is it because i have two heads?" but only the wind and the dust answered something about castles and princesses i met tamerlane resting under a tree beside a pond and he cried "i have never cut two heads off one man before!" and he laughed but fell asleep under the tree so i passed on i found zoroaster sitting under a bigger tree he just stared at me i pointed out that i had two heads and he answered "the one tree will shade two heads" progress! next i came upon the buddha and his twin brother sitting under a withered tree with little shade i asked them "are two heads better than one?" and the buddha answered "better than one what?" and his twin brother answered "better than one for what" then the emperor rode by in his golden carriage and i asked him the same question and he answered "of course two heads can sing my praises exactly twice as loudly as one" and he rode on and i realized the emperor was barack obama and the golden carriage was sarah palin this was real progress! maybe someday i'll meet somebody who really understands

the age of fable

yet it was real it had actually existed a world without cell phones without the internet without cable tv! and although you lived in it you could no longer remember what did people do all day? "so you buy this thing and you do your taxes on it and then what - it just sits there for the rest of the year?" actual words you had spoken to a fellow human around 1981 so what did people do all day? i know! they must have sat around and talked to each other right? well not exactly there were movie theaters where people sat in the dark and were expected to be silent and 3 tv stations and radio and novels by agatha christie and mickey spillane and ian fleming and comic books! and long streets with tall buildings you could walk down forever so you see there were plenty of things to do if you didn't want to talk to other people or they didn't want to talk to you o poets and philosophers who lament the passing of the golden ages of love and friendship and cameraderie think back to the first human who built himself a house instead of sleeping in the tent or beside his horse like his fellows and even earlier to the first hominid who crawled into a warm hole in a cliff instead of sleeping with his mates in the tree and they looked at him and said why is he so alienated? doesn't he like us any more?