Saturday, August 29, 2009

poem in a notebook found under a seat in a trailways bus, january 4, 1974

i'm special
i'm not like other people

i'm different
i can feel it

they walk around waiting to die
but they don't know it

they say they do
but they don't really

if they did
why would they care about nixon

or agnew or mick jagger
or sonny and cher

or hitler or napoleon
or jefferson davis

as for me
i've always known
i am going to live forever

because life is an illusion
and nothing really happens

except in the eternal brain
and i am the eternal brain

that's right - me

i used to go to the library
and read all the books
when i didn't have money for the movies

one day i was sitting at a table in the library
reading the doctor by robert southey
because it was the biggest ugliest book with the smallest print in the whole library

it was raining outside
it wouldn't stop

i was in the mood for a little panhandling
but somehow

i couldn't get up
i just sat there

i needed the money
it was time

rain didn't bother me
wind either

so why didn't i get up?
suddenly a great light flashed (it's always a great light, isn't it?)

nobody else saw it
because they were just people
just folks

but i was the eternal brain

i had another book on the table
my favorite astrology book, astrology and you by sydney omarr

and in the sudden flash of light
i realized i wasn't really a leo

i was the whole zodiac
i was the universe

everything happens in my brain
where else would it happen?

joshua and the battle of jericho
christopher columbus and robert e lee

davy crockett and the alamo
and wilbur and orville wright and al capone

they all never happened
except in my brain - the universal brain

i'll get up
and go back out in the rain

i'll keep on walking
and everybody else will die off

one by one
and then whole cities

i'll walk though the old and new deserts
until there is nobody left but me

and i won't have my hand out
i'll have it raised to the sky

it's always a great light, isn't it?

Sunday, August 23, 2009


you are stranded on a desert island - forever.
you have limitless supplies of oranges, bananas, peanuts, pistachios and water.
you can also choose one of the following items:

a) an endless supply of romance novels

b) an endless supply of porn

c) an endless supply of science fiction

d) an endless supply of tolkien type fantasy novels

d) an endless supply of comic books and graphic novels

e) an endless supply of vampire novels

f) an endless supply of serial killer novels

g) an endless supply of travel brochures and guide books

h) an endless supply of cook books (just to read, you won't have anything to cook with)

i) an endless supply of restaurant reviews

j) an endless supply of books about rich people

k) an endless supply of books about famous people

l) an endless supply of blank paper and colored crayons or markers

m) an endless supply of blank paper and endless supply of pencils (or a typewriter)

n) the bible and all other sacred texts ever written

o) all the biblical commentaries ever written

p) all the marxist literature and analyses ever written

q) descriptions of every animal and plant that has ever existed

r) the complete works of voltaire

s) a piano or other musical instrument

t) a model train set

u) a lego or building block set

v) a 100,000 piece solid color jigsaw puzzle

w) a telescope capable of viewing the universe

x) a kite (unbreakable)

y) a mirror and makeup kit

z) a basketball and hoop

Thursday, August 20, 2009


ivan woke up
he was in a strange room
he wasn't afraid

this was surprising
especially to himself
because ivan was afraid of everything

but in this strange room
he felt no fear

baba yaga entered the room
ivan wasn't afraid

"is everything all right?" she asked
"yes," ivan answered casually
"except that

i would like a canary
instead of a parrot

i do not care for its inane jabbering
and would prefer a sweetly warbling canary"

she looked him in the eye
"that is not possible"

"i think it is very possible"
ivan stared back boldly


ivan blinked
he felt all his fears


like snakes waking up
in the sun
or ice cubes melting
in a glass of lemonade

the old woman closed the door
and poor ivan collapsed whimpering

on the floor
as the parrot squawked happily

and kept up its chatter
all through the afternoon
as ivan expired


after a while
the witch returned

and replaced the parrot
with a canary

Thursday, August 6, 2009

house of secrets

behind every wall there is a tree
in every tree there is a bird
every bird has a beak
every beak taps at a window

behind every window there is a secret
sometimes the curtain is drawn
and the bird can not see in the window
so it returns to the tree

and waits

finally a hand appears
and draws back the curtain
and a face appears
behind every face there is a secret

behind the face another face appears
the face of a maid
every maid has an announcement
besides having a secret

the maid says her piece
and the curtain is drawn again
and the bird sits in the window
and waits

every house
behind every wall
has guests
and every guest has secrets

the guest
tired of waiting for the mistress to appear
and afraid of inadvertently revealing his secret
retires to the lawn

the guest stands under the tree
behind the wall
he is too well bred to look up at the window
but he wonders about the secrets of the mistress (and the maid)

he lights a cigar
and the smoke rises
to the branch the bird is sitting on
and the bird flies away

Monday, August 3, 2009

26: the cat at the window

how you do expect me to defend the empire with the likes of these?

i am afraid you are useless, quite useless to me

just because dad is the greatest scientist in the world, people think he is some kind of nut

krogold slammed his tankard down on the stout oak table

lady marian smiled bravely as the drops of ale splashed her

methinks the time has come, said the jester

no owls are crying tonight, cromton added

outside in the night a wolf howled

peering through his bifocals at the report, gnard gasped

quickly men, quickly!

read this sir, gnard importuned darl krogar

silently the master assassin drew the cobra from his tunic

too late!

understanding counts for very little, cromton assured the king

virtuous - aye, our forefathers were virtuous indeed

wet your whistle, traveler, and tell your tale

x may have marked some spot, gnard added drily, not this one

you trifle with me, sir

zero. the probability is zero. not one in a trillion, not one in a trillion to the trillionth power. zero

as you wish

before we declare war on the entire universe, perhaps a brief recapitulation is in order

confound the fellow!

darl krogar considered his words carefully

end this farce now, sire, i beg of you

forget you ever knew me

get out of town before it's too late, my love

Sunday, August 2, 2009

slurkett #6: the barracuda

and so when the barracuda was brought to shore
bright sunlight broke the cloud
concealing the terrible havoc the horrible creature had wrought
despair consumed the community of souls

emptiness then ruled
forever of the moon they would remember clear and loud
greedy rulers hiding in holes
hungrily devouring the remnants of the universe with their heads bowed

i only wish the full assembly could have done more
justice is thrown in the coals
kaleidoscopic chaos had had a big audience before
lords of darkness are never quite fooled

malevolent monasteries are mercifully never endowed
nevertheless in despair to have bought
odes now retooled
pervading the ether for desperate acolytes to score

Saturday, August 1, 2009

the butler

we have walked this way before
said the butler to the geek
i bought that tennis ball for madam
only last week

and he pointed to the window
containing toys and games
and the store began to tremble
and burst into orange flames

the firemen came running
with their ladders and their hoses
and the toys flew up to heaven
and fell down again as roses

you are quite the droll magician
the geek noted with a smile
your effects are not unlucky
but are somewhat wanting style

the butler only nodded
at this compromising praise
but his soul was filled with thunder
and exploding gamma rays

how dare this little upstart
from a country who knew where
presume to judge his genius
how dare - how dare - how dare

they passed a fish and chip shop
at the corner of the square
the butler bid his guest adieu
with a smile most debonair

oh by the way he asked the geek
with a curling of the lip
i forgot to ask if you prefer
to be a fish or be a chip

the choice is up to you my friend
the geek replied unfazed
and the two magicians dueled
as the stars looked down amazed

the butler turned into a chip
and fell into the gutter
but then assumed a red moth's form
and rose up with a flutter

the geek was soon downgraded
to the state of half a prawn
but retained a cool composure
and the battle lines were drawn

dawn found the two combatants
with all their powers spent
the butler dusted off his hat
and took the train to kent

the geek looked up into the sky
as if some sound he'd heard
he consulted his timetable
and left without a word

the banker on his way to work
the constable on his beat
had no notion of the conflict
for they had been discreet