Wednesday, March 31, 2010

stop me if you've heard these before

lord humphrey had a pet white mouse
and when he wasn't shooting grouse
he whiled away the night and day
engaging the rodent in repartee
in the parlor of his ancient house

lets go sit in the park
all day until it gets dark
it it rains we won't care
it's the answer to the flowers prayer
and it won't even leave a mark

sister sophie, a modest young nun
decided to soak up some sun
when her discarded habit
was eaten by a rabbit
she cried 'i'll be a daughter of a gun!'

a temperance lady named june
busted up the local saloon
with her mighty truncheon
she destroyed the free luncheon
and the drunkards warm cocoon

a postal inspector named sage
was on the lookout for gage
when a package came by he said, if
this only contains some good spliff
i could make a living wage

a bear and an antelope
went into the park to grope
when an evil park ranger
named murdock t granger
sold them some very bad dope

josie's kitty climbed a tree
because it wanted to be free
perched below the topmost leaf
it looked down with pure relief
at josie's weeping misery

all humans are the same
all humans are insane
they pretend to be civilized
but that is just a bunch of lies
as they walk in the devils rain

mary jones washed rich folks sheets
and her daughter walked the streets
and made more money in fifteen minutes
than mary in her whole life - that's sad isn't it?
listen to the rain as it beats

listen to the rain as it beats
on the windows and in the streets
it swirls and falls
it murmurs and calls
listen to the rain as it beats

Saturday, March 6, 2010

poem from an old typewriter, with translation

jtrew kirw o;pt vey
u ynn ge u gtp
liujtre bytrew t i
juntr eqwq hytewqo

ytr dseiu gtre poy
e h r njhytrews
wsoyr4cdsaq ik

t poiltrewq cfpiuytr
gyh kiuy
p ku wqb

miyte iy
oitreqbu ly te

i threw a potato on the part of the omelette that needed help
you younguns need to get a grip
the future will be held hostage by truth
the junta will hide the jewels among the elephants

your true desires have long necks
every hollow representation bestrews the news
pollination - that's the word
why, so your four cadets have deserted the good cause

there's that word again - very chewable
get your kinesis here - not there
i understand there will be seven fewer for dinner
please correlate your walpurgisnachts

mightly likely
i thought i heard the overpass call my name

Thursday, March 4, 2010

outside my window

please connect each dot
but suppress all evil thought
though you be deaf dumb and blind
the master can read your mind
and knows who you are and are not

a mathematician named mope
surveyed the world without hope
when he added up the sum
his brain grew numb
and he fell down a slippery slope

a necromancer named nowling
was fond of candlepin bowling
when the game grew obsolete
tears fell at his feet
and the dark streets he began trolling

an orotund opossum named ole
could not escape a wormhole
as he waited to lose weight
he bewailed his fate
and wished he'd played a better model role

a panda named prester john
surveyed the parthenon
pondering its ancient graces
and vanished noble faces
he could not suppress a yawn

a queen named coralie
from a distant galaxy
was allergic to living creatures
and on planets without features
she quietly sipped her tea

a robust rover named roy
was a very boisterous boy
he crashed through jungles and savannas
and mopped his brow with silk bandannas
as he jangled with juvenile joy

the sultan of s---------- was slow
to develop witty bon mots
he stood at his window for hours
sadly surveying the flowers
because he had nowhere to go

a wily warmonger named wedd
each night when he went to bed
put a nuclear warhead or two
inside his boot or his shoe
so he wouldn't wake up dead

letters form into words
and fly away like birds
over an endless expanse
of high adventure and true romance
and restless wandering herds