Thursday, December 23, 2010


i'm sorry
i didn't mean it

but you said
i know i said

but i didn't mean it
but you said

i have it

right here
you said it

i know i said it
but i was just saying

i didn't mean it
you're a liar

i don't believe you
you said it

you are what you say
i was just kidding

i didn't mean it

what do

know about honest?

you have to believe me
i didn't mean it

i know you
you're a sociopath

i read a book
about you

isn't that kind of

a big word for a

like this?
go away

i don't like
you any more

i never liked you
how can you

not like me
"any more"

if you never liked me?
there you go

being a smarty pants

as well as a

i know you

i always knew you
how can you

know me

if you always knew me?
get out

get out
so all this stuff

about the tape
and the book

about the sociopath
is just an

exercise in style

if you never
liked me

i said get out

it's my room
yes, mine

you don't
believe me

i have the rent receipt
right here

in black
and white

that's just the
kind of thing

a sociopath
would say

like what i have
on the recording

i have the receipt
you have the recording

i guess there is

more to say
i guess not

you should find

a new insult

is kind of sterile
all right

i'll leave

see you around
no you won't

i'm glad
that's over with

Friday, July 30, 2010

just one

billy, is that you
how are you

it's been a while

think you can
give me some

like the old days

when you
were my number one

how you used
to give me

ten, twelve
fourteen at a time

just thinking about it

sixteen, seventeen
those were good times

i hear you

how about
four or five

i could really use
about four right now

how about one or two

one billy

for old times
come on

i remember
you gave me twenty

one time
remember that


you're right
things aren't what

they used to be
that's true

time goes by
but some things

don't change
what, like desperation

i'm desperate
i'm begging you

just one
can't you give me just one

i see

all right
all right

i understand

so long, billy
it was great

talking to you


Wednesday, June 16, 2010


i was born
around here

there were none
of these brick

buildings then
these antique

shops and wine
and cheese shops

old sam had
his news stand

right over
there he sold

the racing
form i'd come

day and say

have you got
the racing

form sam and
he'd say of

course i have
the racing

form, what else
would i have -

there was a
place over

there, where that
greeting card

shop is, sold

and hot dogs
it didn't

have a name
so we called

it the place
with no name

Monday, May 17, 2010

the confidence man

hey! you made
me spill my

coffee! but
that's all right

i'm just a
bum, so who

cares, it took
me all day

to get the
money, what

does it make -

oh hey thanks
pal thanks hey

sure you can
afford it?

Sunday, May 16, 2010


i think i'd like to go far away
where no one has gone before
over the farthest mountains
along an empty shore

and walk along forever
but never round the bend
where the ocean meets the river
the river that never ends

and stop beneath a shady tree
to listen to the rain
that plays on the leaves a melody
that will never be heard again

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

stop me if you've heard these before

lord humphrey had a pet white mouse
and when he wasn't shooting grouse
he whiled away the night and day
engaging the rodent in repartee
in the parlor of his ancient house

lets go sit in the park
all day until it gets dark
it it rains we won't care
it's the answer to the flowers prayer
and it won't even leave a mark

sister sophie, a modest young nun
decided to soak up some sun
when her discarded habit
was eaten by a rabbit
she cried 'i'll be a daughter of a gun!'

a temperance lady named june
busted up the local saloon
with her mighty truncheon
she destroyed the free luncheon
and the drunkards warm cocoon

a postal inspector named sage
was on the lookout for gage
when a package came by he said, if
this only contains some good spliff
i could make a living wage

a bear and an antelope
went into the park to grope
when an evil park ranger
named murdock t granger
sold them some very bad dope

josie's kitty climbed a tree
because it wanted to be free
perched below the topmost leaf
it looked down with pure relief
at josie's weeping misery

all humans are the same
all humans are insane
they pretend to be civilized
but that is just a bunch of lies
as they walk in the devils rain

mary jones washed rich folks sheets
and her daughter walked the streets
and made more money in fifteen minutes
than mary in her whole life - that's sad isn't it?
listen to the rain as it beats

listen to the rain as it beats
on the windows and in the streets
it swirls and falls
it murmurs and calls
listen to the rain as it beats

Saturday, March 6, 2010

poem from an old typewriter, with translation

jtrew kirw o;pt vey
u ynn ge u gtp
liujtre bytrew t i
juntr eqwq hytewqo

ytr dseiu gtre poy
e h r njhytrews
wsoyr4cdsaq ik

t poiltrewq cfpiuytr
gyh kiuy
p ku wqb

miyte iy
oitreqbu ly te

i threw a potato on the part of the omelette that needed help
you younguns need to get a grip
the future will be held hostage by truth
the junta will hide the jewels among the elephants

your true desires have long necks
every hollow representation bestrews the news
pollination - that's the word
why, so your four cadets have deserted the good cause

there's that word again - very chewable
get your kinesis here - not there
i understand there will be seven fewer for dinner
please correlate your walpurgisnachts

mightly likely
i thought i heard the overpass call my name

Thursday, March 4, 2010

outside my window

please connect each dot
but suppress all evil thought
though you be deaf dumb and blind
the master can read your mind
and knows who you are and are not

a mathematician named mope
surveyed the world without hope
when he added up the sum
his brain grew numb
and he fell down a slippery slope

a necromancer named nowling
was fond of candlepin bowling
when the game grew obsolete
tears fell at his feet
and the dark streets he began trolling

an orotund opossum named ole
could not escape a wormhole
as he waited to lose weight
he bewailed his fate
and wished he'd played a better model role

a panda named prester john
surveyed the parthenon
pondering its ancient graces
and vanished noble faces
he could not suppress a yawn

a queen named coralie
from a distant galaxy
was allergic to living creatures
and on planets without features
she quietly sipped her tea

a robust rover named roy
was a very boisterous boy
he crashed through jungles and savannas
and mopped his brow with silk bandannas
as he jangled with juvenile joy

the sultan of s---------- was slow
to develop witty bon mots
he stood at his window for hours
sadly surveying the flowers
because he had nowhere to go

a wily warmonger named wedd
each night when he went to bed
put a nuclear warhead or two
inside his boot or his shoe
so he wouldn't wake up dead

letters form into words
and fly away like birds
over an endless expanse
of high adventure and true romance
and restless wandering herds

Monday, February 8, 2010

blues in the night

i awoke
to the words
in my head

and they said

we are only words

and words are
only memories

and memories
are only stories

and stories
are all the same

and are all

a rag a bone
and a hank of hair

a mothers prayer

a step upon
a creaking stair

a whisper to beware

a princess in a tower
a guardsman at a gate

a messenger arriving
a moment too late

the panhandler you ignored
on a rainy night

who turned out
to be jesus christ

but he forgives you
it's what he came for

the water is deep
go back to sleep

the army of light
will defeat the forces of darkness

do they not
do it every night?

a new princess will wait
in a new tower

more beautiful than ever

with a more faithful guard
who will try so hard

to repel the invader
next time

Sunday, January 24, 2010


the monkey chased the elephant down the empty highway
he finally cornered him in the back lot of an abandoned walmart
you have cost me a lot,
said the monkey

and i hate to do this to you
but you have too much value
what is cost,
asked the elephant

and what is value
as the monkey brought the ruby encrusted statue of the virgin
(or maybe it was vishnu or lenin or sarah palin)
down on his head

the elephants last
but i'm bigger than he is

Monday, January 18, 2010

away in the soadfo

this was inspired by this post about word verification on jon parsons' blog "a blade of grass"

the words in red were generated by blogger's word verification gadget

the words in blue were the "comments" used to prompt the word verification

"yikes", exclaimed albert as the soadfo started spreading across the road.
"zounds!", echoed colonel bankwait from the back seat as he peered over albert's shoulder. "i'll get the geril out of the trunk."
"that sounds like a bit of all right ," miss carpenter-st john agreed. "but i would feel better if we had some nognan ."

it was certainly a sight to behold . the colonel had to carefully restep back and forth over the spreading soadfo , as he gingerly made his way to the trunk of the caleflay .
"if i only had a mopsp , to cover my face with. " he muttered, considering his chances.

it was a definitive moment.
"can he get trichona from that stuff?" miss carpenter-st john peered cautiously out the periscope of the caleflay . "or is it exponentially , too early to say?"
"this might be an estorik occasion," miss goldenday, seated besde albert in the front seat, observed. she looked fabulous .

"oh, oh," albert said. "the pirkili is leaking out of the engine. i will have to get out myself and put some vessiste on the hull to seal it."
"be careful," said miss goldenday. "we wouldn't anything to happen to you."
"especially," added miss carpenter-st john, " as you are the only one who knows how to fix this organism. it's more complicated than the metabolism of an ahrestri ."
"i hope we don't have ahrestried development," said miss goldenday. "but look - the sun is setting. it looks gorgeous ."
"as you do yourself, miss," albert noted. he took a humungous pousn and and an incandescent madin out of the glove compartment and carefully opened the door of the caleflay and stepped out into the road. he noted some jellyfish floating in the spreading soadfo .

albert actually had no idea how to fix the caleflay . he wasn't even sure how to open the hood, or if the hood could be opened. this is going to be one kinesthetic experience, he told himself.
suddenly an acculai flew up out of the soadfo and fastened itself on to his neck.
miss goldenday shifted her lissome form over into the drivers seat of the caleflay and gazed out the window at albert's form writhing on the ground.
"is that an acculai , or a suregai ?" asked miss carpenter-st john.
"i don't know but i sure feel sorry for the gai ," answered miss goldenday.

meanwhile colonel bankwait had done a masterful job of getting to the trunk of the caleflay but had been unable to get it open and get the geril . he was pounding on the rear door for miss carpenter-st john to let him back in.

miss carpenter-st john nodded noddingly to miss goldenday. "should we let him in? it doesn't look like he accomplished his mission"
"i think he has a flask of diespe in his back pocket," said miss goldenday opportunistically . "let's give him a chance to redeem himself."