slurkett #5: the astronaut

so you want to be an astronaut young fellow the president did chime unless i am much mistaken you are the first in a very long time versions of the moon will soon be made public when we are no more expectations will not be worth a thin silver dime yet the world will believe a trick zeroing in on the innocent as if examining a horrid crime all the senators and pensioners will bellow before the fog gets too thick conversely, the house of commons in despair will surely mellow desperate to never see the shore events will overtake this most sadly infelicitious rhyme forever the path of a ragged mime gods but of yore had a big purple target but their arrows turned out yellow

better than one

i always craved anonymity but since i had two heads it eluded me when i walk into the drugstore to buy a candy bar josie says to her mom look mom, that man has two heads barack obama was running for president and he shook my hand and said i like your heads but when sarah palin shook my hand she just smiled i liked sarah palin better! i went walking in the wilderness and met gilgamesh i wanted to be his pal but he said, sorry bud, those monsters will see you coming a mile away i just can't take the chance i kept wandering and met iskander and his famous horse "doublehead" i tried to strike up a conversation on this basis but quickly saw i was boring them as they galloped away i called after them "is it because i have two heads?" but only the wind and the dust answered something about castles and princesses i met tamerlane resting under a tree beside a pond and he cried "i have never cut two heads off one man before!" and he laughed but fell asleep under the tree so i passed on i found zoroaster sitting under a bigger tree he just stared at me i pointed out that i had two heads and he answered "the one tree will shade two heads" progress! next i came upon the buddha and his twin brother sitting under a withered tree with little shade i asked them "are two heads better than one?" and the buddha answered "better than one what?" and his twin brother answered "better than one for what" then the emperor rode by in his golden carriage and i asked him the same question and he answered "of course two heads can sing my praises exactly twice as loudly as one" and he rode on and i realized the emperor was barack obama and the golden carriage was sarah palin this was real progress! maybe someday i'll meet somebody who really understands

the age of fable

yet it was real it had actually existed a world without cell phones without the internet without cable tv! and although you lived in it you could no longer remember what did people do all day? "so you buy this thing and you do your taxes on it and then what - it just sits there for the rest of the year?" actual words you had spoken to a fellow human around 1981 so what did people do all day? i know! they must have sat around and talked to each other right? well not exactly there were movie theaters where people sat in the dark and were expected to be silent and 3 tv stations and radio and novels by agatha christie and mickey spillane and ian fleming and comic books! and long streets with tall buildings you could walk down forever so you see there were plenty of things to do if you didn't want to talk to other people or they didn't want to talk to you o poets and philosophers who lament the passing of the golden ages of love and friendship and cameraderie think back to the first human who built himself a house instead of sleeping in the tent or beside his horse like his fellows and even earlier to the first hominid who crawled into a warm hole in a cliff instead of sleeping with his mates in the tree and they looked at him and said why is he so alienated? doesn't he like us any more?

carnival, part 2

"popo the lizard, i believe?" "not me." answers johnny, a knife up his sleeve "if you insist!" the inspector bows "the building is surrounded anyhow" norma the egyptian blows rings of smoke the inspector is gone, but it's no joke johnny is white, the first wind of fear if only hoko the strongman were here! there is only abdul, the moroccan cobra "johnny," he whispers, 'it's all over don't know why they want you and don't care tell the boys in the hole i played fair" johnny's eyes are heavy as midnight sand his knife in a flash appears in his hand but abdul has already pulled the trigger and johnny's world grows bigger and bigger fifi-la-fou takes a pinch of snuff johnny was soft, he wasn't so tough he never answered to her love potion now it's time to cross the ocean the statue of liberty winks in the fog at madame alhambra and her little dog the turkish consul leans on the rail as fifi and hoko and norma grow pale norma looks down at the cold gray sea "these tall buildings terrify me" hoko says, "in a building like that a man must need a tall hat" fifi-la-fou, with her caviareyes unravels the ambassadors disguise "this is the boy who can help us," she whispers she takes from her bag her fingernail clippers the ambassador's homburg is already raised his speech is not slurred and his eyes are not glazed drunk with power, he accosts the trio "did we meet in algiers, or cairo, or rio..." fifi replies, as cool as you please "no. monsieur, we are poor apaches cast far from our home of wild dance and red wine to this terrible gotham, so metallic and sibylline" 'your despair is justified, madamoiselle you have cast yourself up on the shores of hell these buildings that burn like witches dens are more human than the breathing citizens these yankees are truly a nation of slugs and care for nothing but money and drugs" fifi blushes like a summer rose hoko and norma glance down at their toes when johnny harris fell through the ice he hollered once, and he hollered twice folks stood around with gaping jaws as he struggled desperately in death's claws adults and children of all ages stood like pictures in the bible's gray pages apothecary williams stroked his mustache and said, "let's not do anything rash" and paula simpson, whose eyes were life stared as silent as a bowie knife flipped through the icy air at him - the music got louder but the sights grew dim the voices of the human race broke like waves through a single face this is it - this is it - this is it - but johnny held on and would not quit then on the outskirts a stranger appeared with an old brown hat and a yellow beard walked on the ice like it was desert sand and reached down with a long red hand johnny lay gasping at the edge of the pond among the folks of whom he was not now so fond the stranger glanced at their dissolving fear and then proceeded to disappear

carnival, part 1

i dreamed i went to the county fair and everybody i ever knew was there and there were no men with horns or women with beaks but all the same they were all freaks there was johnny harris, who fell through the ice and sheriff phil davis, who wasn't very nice and aunt sally, and uncle fred and a little man with a pointed head there was colonel waters, who ran up the flag and went fishing with an old red carpetbag and major zane, who would never explain and drove his wife, mrs zane, insane and mrs purvis, who worked so hard she heard voices in her back yard and old dan burgess, the handy man and madame lola, with her ivory fan and reverend rudolph, so mighty and high he couldn't look any man in the eye and miss van lester, who taught sewing and art and little miss sloan, with the broken heart hot dogs and popcorn filled the air and everybody wanted their share some were polite and some were rude and the night was misty and many hued and there was danny jensen, with one arm and tom jenkins, from the pig farm standing in front of the gaudiest tent that hell ever spawned, or heaven ever sent it was made of velvet, or like enough and redder than the rubies on the devils cuff the outside was covered with diamonds and pearls and inside there were dancing girls quickly a crowd began to form there was herb macgregor and his cousin norm and wilmer stanton, who had seen the lord and joe brown, who owned a brand new ford and the barker looked like the kind of guy who could sell a bluejay a piece of the sky and sell you one too, if you gave him a chance and had been to new york and paris france in paris the girls do the hoochie-koo the shimmy the shake and the toodle-oo and johnny the apache with his shiny razor is eyeing the foreign legion major the major's monocle gets brighter and brighter coralie's throat gets tighter and tighter bottles crash on the cold stone floor and now the gendarme stands in the door dan carter was a barker bold his mouth was wide and his eyes were cold he could talk a mile a minute and his spiel had plenty in it about the pyramids sacred fires and cleopatra's strange desires and the secret music that filled the skies of katmandu so ancient and wise the sound of mysterious temple bells love rites from the seven hindu hells the menfolk are getting restless you know it's almost time for the show suddenly there arose a shout johnny harris and a roustabout with a red bandana and iron muscles rolled in the dust in a furious tussle sinners and saved both searched the skies to avoid the barkers hypnotic eyes the menfolk were getting restless you know it was almost time for the show "get him, johnny! smash him skin him!" "i always knew johnny had it in him!" "are you kidding? he's getting slaughtered" the fracas was getting hotter and hotter

a novel and six sequels

darling please excuse me please darling hey dude check this pair out you think so yeah we'll see oh no yes but you said go on get out of here fade away in to the night see this is how it's done