fussy eater

"i hate macaroni"

the princess

"please don't disturb me while i take my well-deserved nap."

midnight ride

when jesse and the boys got back to the hideout they was laughing fit to bust.
bill anderson was laughing the hardest. "that ole sheriff'll be picking the burrs out of his britches till christmas!"
suddenly the candle flared.

flight to marseilles

"yesterday i thought you loved me, yvonne. now i realize what a fool i've been."
" very touching. and what do you propose to do with this new illumination?"
"i'm consulting with garfield today. and then leaving for marseilles with bettina."
"bettina - that pathetic little grub."

an encounter

"roger, it's great to see you. how are you?"
"great, ralph. how have you been?"
"good, good. what brings you here?"
"i heard the linguini was really good."
"try the spaghetti."

on a winters night

"vacate these premises immediately, miss. your behavior is quite beyond the pale"
outside, the wind howled.
"ok, luv,"

twilight

"forget you ever knew me, francesca - and as for your unhappy mother - "
the count began to weep.
"haven't we been through this before, father? really, i expected better of you. "

"where is villa headed now, captain?"

"xahualtepec"

day of reckoning

"forget you ever knew me, frederick. i'm afraid that is the best advice i can give you.'
"but what about all the things i bought you - the diamonds, the dresses, the country estates?"
"i am afraid that is between you and your barrister."
"please let me off."

8 poems

there was a young man from peru
who never knew what to do
when his shoes were untied
his smile was wide
and his eyes were celestially blue

there was a young maid from malay
whose behavior was quite outre
the townsfolk requested
that she be arrested
when she promenaded on the quay

during the sack of rome
attila decided to go home
to his men around a bonfire
he said, fellows i've decided to retire
there is something buzzing in my dome

there was a young man named mcgoof
who climbed on the courthouse roof
a cannon was trained
on his palpitating brain
and he disappeared with a poof

there was a young man from spain
with a throbbing jugular vein
when he got excited
his brain ignited
and his ears shot out purple flame

there was a young maid from bolivia
with the right proper name of olivia
when a highwayman approached
and on her carriage encroached
she said i'm sorry i've got nothing to give ya

a young man from asbury park
went to china on a lark
he caused an international incident
by enquiring where his napkin went
at a picnic in the emperors park

a young man from sunny mt pleasant
received a motor car for a christmas present
he took to the road
in a boisterous mode
and slaughtered a few dozen peasants

the messenger

"mr forthwaite is here, minister.'"
'ah yes, show him in."
mr forthwaite was short and round, and carried a small flat briefcase.
"well, what do we have today, sir, more doom and gloom?"

the dismissal

"no doubt, pemberton, no doubt you thought you were doing the right thing. but that doesn't change the fact that the crisis hasn't been averted. "
the home secretary tapped the memorandum with his pencil.
"please be on the next train."

tears of a tyrant

king nebuchadnezzar sat on his throne
all his so-called friends were gone
as he sat there all alone
he began to weep and moan

suddenly a ghost appeared
with a visage to be feared
and eyes of stone
"o weep and moan!"

willie and the cole slaw

"what?", exclaimed willie, as he stared into his plate of cole slaw.

the assignation

after the ball was over, prince adelbert and the duc d'olanne met at the front gate.
torches flared in the hands of the royal pages.
"we will meet again, duc,"
"yes, on the floor of the arena."

the parade

"take me with you," cried the little king, weakly.
all morning the troops had been filing under the balcony in their magnificent multicolored uniforms , red infantry, blue cavalry, green hussars, golden cavalry.
the dust settled in the street.
it was still morning.

hotel majestic 5:33 am

"all i ever wanted was to be free."
suddenly he heard a loud buzz.

4 poems

an xquisite flower named xantippe
grew on the banks of the mississippi
but she ran out of luck
when she was casually plucked
by a passing dirty hippie

a yammering gorilla named yunk
walked into a tavern and plunked
his money on the counter down
announcing with a fervid frown
"the economy seems in a funk"

a zealous headwaiter named zane
was racing for the train
when a monstrous yellow hound
knocked him to the ground
and he was never heard from again

an arrogant inspector named auguste
found some unfortunate dust
on the windowsill
of ernie's bar and grill
and acted judiciously, we trust

2 poems

a vicious doll named viv
was spurned by a spurious spiv
she sat in the vicars chair
with a sad and solemn stare
and had no donation to give

a wobbly elephant named willie
went out and drank himself silly
in a local pub
where they served weak grub
and the barmaids were all named millie

parting of the ways

"i never imagined, chester'," antoine cried vehemently, "it never occurred to me that you would turn out to be such a contemptible, absolutely unmitigated boor."

ubu conspirator

an urgent conspirator named ubu brown
shook the dust of the little town
where he had been born and raised
from his earliest childhood days
from his topcoat with an unctuous frown

survival

out on the sidewalk, a bag lady and a giant crab were fighting over a chicken wing.
hortense turned from the window.
"don"t you want to see how it turns out?", asked rodrigo, the masked man.
"no", said hortense "i think i will go to my room."

the romance of crime

a truculent bandit named turk

was averse to honest work

he broke the legs and arms 

of those who meant no harm

and disappeared into the murk

happy new year

 a senior accountant named slake

decided he needed a break

from the furious pace

of the endless rat race

so he baked a chocolate cake

murder in the night

explain to me again exactly what happened", intoned the inspector.
"well, sir, it seems that this young woman was on her way home from the symphony-"
"wearing orange spandex?"