kicks on galaxy 66

"and so these are the sort of fellows you bring me, that you expect me to defend the empire with."
"never fear, darl krogar, these specimens are only the first small testament to our regard for you - and the empire - and our determination to do everything in our power to contribute to your inevitable success. "
darl krogar nodded politely. behind him a map of the universe dotted with red and yellow pins glowed dully. the red pins - signifying disaster - outnumbered the yellow pins - signifying anything less than disaster - by twenty to one. green pins for success and blue pins for victory lay untouched in a tray below the map.
the stygian ambassador rose. "by the way, i brought a couple of young men - young men recommended by the royal family - who would like to be considered for the imperial officer corp. i will just leave them outside. no need to see me out" he turned left through the simple door of darl krogar's spartan office.
darl krogar took a nap. he always took a nap, sitting at his desk, for an hour every day. the pictures of the recruits the stygians had brought him lay open on his desk.
after a while his secretaty, miss p---------, who had been miss trans3universe and later ambassador for the empire to transuniverse 45, came in and put four red pins and one yellow one in the map.
miss p----------- jotted a note on a little pad to buy some more red pins. then she leaned over the marshal's sleeping form and picked up the photos of the stygian recruits.
pursing her full red lips, she sorted through the photos with an occasional "ah.....ha"

implementation of the vampires

"on your feet, sheriff. your happy days of indolence are over."
sheriff john brown took his big boots off his desk and put them flat on the ground.
"any particular reason, if i may ask?", he drawled.
"the vampires have landed. i just got the news from the state capital."
"huh. well. pardon me for asking, jethro, but ain't you the water commissioner? what in sam hill does the water commissioner have to do with vampires?"
"i've been appointed commissioner of vampire implementation, sheriff. you can check with the governor if you don't believe me,"
"no, no, i believe you, jethro. but don't you mean commissioner of vampire immolation? seems to me we should be immolating these critters, not implementing them."
"i asked that very question myself. but they were very clear - implementation, not immolation."
"dang! what will these liberal jackasses at galactic headquarters think of next. well, do we know exactly how to implement them?"
"some handbooks are coming over the wires now. meanwhile let's get all the critters in town lined up and organized. we've got a long night ahead of us,"
just then bub johnson came busting in to the office. everyone in town liked bub.

the rustler from rangoon

"yes, i rode with jesse james."
the tall lean yankee stranger leaned over the rail.
a herd of about twenty oxen were swimming toward the boat.
"did you ride with billy the kid?", prudence asked.
"no. i'm afraid i never made the acquaintance of the illustrious mr bonney."
prudence looked down at the water. the oxen were drawing closer.
"do you think mr roosevelt will want to shoot them now?" , she asked.
the yankee turned and looked at the door of the stateroom. teddy roosevelt stood in it. the setting sun glinted off his monocle, and his mustache twitched in the breeze.
"i think," teddy drawled, "these beasts must belong to some honest farmers who can be converted to christianity and democracy. there will be no shooting here tonight."
the oxen came closer. the lead ox was suddenly transformed into a beautiful raven-haired mermaid. her left hand touched the side of the boat and in her right hand she lifted out of the water a translucent green pearl.